Faith

Day 33

Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” Luke 8:48

I want to have faith like the little girl that touched Jesus’s cloak and was healed. But I asked for referral to Vandy, so I do not have that kind of faith, I am ashamed to admit. I don’t even know why I am going. I regret asking for the referral because I feel so great right now.

Paradoxes. I knew at the time that asked for it, that all of “this would pass” and I would feel back to normal. But I asked for it because I was afraid of the unknown. The dark tunnel up ahead that is our future. In my “Daily Meditations” for this week, Richard Rohr believes that's “faith enlightens the path behind us, while the one is front of [us] is still dark” (Rohr). In the first chapter of John, this is when the Word of God becomes flesh. It says that “In the beginning there was the Word, and the Word was with God “ (John 1:1). So God had something to say, something important, and Holy. And his Word is with him, and what are words meant to do? They are meant to communicate? How can you communicate without people? God was lonely for people. He Wanted us, and created each and every one of us. And whether or not you want to admit it, he craves a relationship with each and every one of us because we are his children. Can you imagine having a child that does not want to have anything to do with you? How heart-broken would you be? But would you welcome that child back with open arms if s/he came back to your door? Of course you would. And so will God if you let him.

Yes this has turned into that kind of proselytizing book. Sorry. But I’m really not because I almost died, or even if I didn’t I feel like I have another chance at life with most of the brain cells that I have left still in tact and I think that I owe that to the Man up stairs and to my lovely husband. Sorry to get off track, but I do have a point, and a goal. Read the first chapter of I John. It tells us about how the Word of God became flesh when God sent his son Jesus for us to follow. And how “[the] true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world” John 1:9. So by having faith in Jesus, in his love, and grace, He is like a flashlight in the dark, even if I cannot see into the future, I am not afraid if I have a little bit of faith.

That is my point, and my goal with this book is just to journal this journey a little every day or week. Where will it end? I pray that my journey will never end, but this book will, don’t worry. But I am not sure how it is going to end. I believe that God can heal me, but if I am not healed or if I am waiting to find out if I am, I have to be patient. I believe that things happen for a reason. And maybe I’m already healed. But if I knew that, what would I do? Would I stop taking my medication and start drinking again? Or is that what got me here in the first place? There’s the rub. “I’ve gotta have faith, faith, faith, faith.”