Speak

Day 114

It has been a while since I have published a post. Over the past few weeks, every time I start to write something, it doesn't come out right, and I do not finish the post. I don't know why I have had writer's block. So today I am writing, and like many of my entries, this is like a journal entry. I am getting my thoughts out on the screen. It may not help anyone but me, but I will feel better to get it out.

I should be dancing in the street right now . . . I have not had a seizure in 115 days! Praise God! I am even driving again! (Tell your kids to watch for cars! ;) Right now I am just driving to work, and to places near the house when I need to. But I am very grateful to have that freedom back.

So much has happened in the past 114 days. I stopped drinking alcohol. I started taking my epilepsy medication as directed by my doctor, and it works. So much has happened since last year. We sold our house and moved to this neighborhood. I stopped driving for over a year, but I learned to drive again. (Yes, I did forget how, and that is another story altogether!) And my relationship with God is deeper than it was a year ago, because I removed the only thing that was getting in between our relationship, the only thing that was more important to me than Him. Alcohol had become more important than everything else, in my life. It ruled my life. So now I am free. I will miss wine and whiskey. But the kind of thirst that I have, wine and whiskey will not quench. Only God can fill my cup.

I feel like I have come full circle, like my life is getting back to normal again. I know that I have epilepsy and that I am writing this blog for a reason. So what next? I keep praying for direction. Now that I am feeling better, I feel like I need a new direction. but where? What do you want me to do? How can I use my experience to help others? Or forget the experience. I am ready to take the next step, whatever that may be. It may have nothing to do with my experiences. I am ready to do what I am called to do. But maybe I already am doing what I am called to do.

I can mull over these questions all day, but what I haven't been doing is spending enough time listening to God. I spend time in contemplation. I spend time reading the Bible. I spend time talking to God. But I haven't been listening. I don't know what he wants me to do next, but I know that he is inside my heart. If I am quiet enough, if I am still enough, he will speak to me. And I don't feel like vacuuming right now anyway . . .